Home
by Rubine Goslay
Summary: Follows Daryl's struggle to find Carol and bring her home. Caryl fic. Rating so far for language.
1. Chapter 1

Home

AN- Carly fic from Daryl's perspective. What I think should have happened after 4.4

Chapter 1:

I'd never tell her but I can't wait to see her.

Every time we go out on these runs I know it could be for the last time. Somethin' could happen out there to me. Some crazy shit could go down at the prison while I'm gone. And we'd never see each other again. That's just a fact of this world now.

And I haven't told her. And I won't. But every time we have to part I take a moment, to look in her eyes and hope to God I get to look into them again.

So now we're coming back from this run, and I got extra reason to worry because of this bleedin'eye flu nonsense. We're drivin' up the gate and I start feelin' heavier and heavier 'cause I don't know what I'm about to find. I see Rick's car and a few pounds fall off, at least he's back. We get out of the car, greeted by a few people, but we gotta get this medicine to Hershel.

I didn't see him coming, but Rick showed up outta no where and said we had to go talk right away. I passed my bag of meds to Michonne and followed. He led me to the cafeteria. It was empty.

"I got something to tell you. And you ain't gonna like it."

"Just spit it out Hoss."

His left eyebrow looked right in danger of carving into his hairline.

"Carol killed Karen and David. I took her on a run. I talked with her. She's not the same…"

He stopped talking because it's hard to with a man in your face.

"What are you sayin'?" I growled at him. "Where is she?"

"I left her."

"The fuck you mean you left her, brother? The fuck you mean you left her?"

"Now Daryl, just calm down, think about this. I left her with a car, full tank 'o gas, supplies, she'll be alright. Y'hear what I said, she killed.."

"Don't matter now. That was for the group. What right you think you had, man? What the fuck is the counsel for if not for this.?

I asked a question but the blood boilin' in my veins seemed to reach my ears because I couldn't hear no more. All I could think of was her out there all alone. It was just past 6. Not much daylight left.

"Where is she? We' red you leave her?"

"Daryl, if you bring her back Tyreese will kill her."

"He'll have to get past me first. Now where'd you leave her?"

Rick looked down, hesitated a while, then told me where to go.

AN- If you like, please read and review!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

AN- Sorry for shorter chapters, I anticipate they will keep building. Hope you enjoy!

Dead leaves scatter in the wake of my bike. I swear even the air is different now, more bitter. This was Meryl's bike. I can never seem to forget that.

I also can't forget that this is the same bike I had on that farm that night the herd came down. And I saw her then, runnin'. Tryin' to get away from the mob and I rode up and she jumped on. That was the tightest she ever held me. And it was a long ride that night. Wasn't so bad really.

The way she runs... Now I may not know all about who she was before. I know she was a mother to a sweet l'il girl. And the wife of a fuckin' asshole. If he weren't dead already I wouldn't have felt bad if I'd have to kill him myself. Weren't no way he was gonna change. Men like that don't do no one no good. Men like that…

The way she runs… I know her now. She's a strong woman. Probably always was deep down. She's tough. Tougher than anyone gives her credit for. She's adapted a lot more since we lost Sophia. I don't like thinking about it, but I think it's given her an edge. It's horrible, but I think if Sophia had lived, maybe Carol would be gone by now. Losin' her daughter seemed to cut out the soft part of her that made her vulnerable in this world. But I don't like thinking about that.

But it's the way she runs. I've seen it. And it ain't changed since day one. Most else has but the way she runs. Like she's still the woman she was before. Afraid, alone, weak. She ain't none of those things now. Except alone. And that's somethin' I aim to fix tonight.

Rick told me where he left her. It's been about an hour, maybe more. What I've been thinkin' mostly since I've been ridin', is would she stay in the same place or would she drive off? If she drove off, where would she go?

I wish this was the woods. It would be so easy. Trackin' a car, can't be done. It's later in the day. They'd just swept a cul de sac and she left. Why? Where would she go?

I forgot to ask if Rick left her with a map. Does she know where she's goin' or is she just drivin' around aimlessly? All alone… my anger at Rick, that's somthin' I gotta put aside right now.

I drive by where he said he left her and there ain't no sign. I had a plan in place for this, ride up and down 5 miles each nearby road until I find her. Then 10 miles. Then twenty. Whatever it took.

But it didn't take long. Y'see, as she told me later, we'd been circling around so much this past year that we ain't even got that far from where we started. And where we started was Carol's stompin' grounds. And I found her in the place we'd always been. And the place we'd been try'in ta get out of.

The graveyard. Her own Mama. Guess she figured she wouldn'a made it far on her own, so she came to say goodbye. I'd seen her car outside as Rick described it. Only car there. In a world full of death, guess a cemetery ain't much of an attraction no more.

She must have heard me comin'. But she didn't stand up. Ironically enough, the whole field 'o dead was empty. The walk up to her seemed slowed, like a dream. I wanted to run to her. But it didn't seem right.

When I finally got to her she didn't say nothin'. She just rose from her momma's grave and fell into me. I wrapped my arms around her, She didn't say nothin'. I could feel her weeping so I just held her tight. Felt like the right thing to do. I wasn't sure what to do, so I stroke the back of her head with my hand, feeling her silky hair twist in my fingers. Based on the sound she made, I think she liked it.

"You shouldn't be here," she managed to mumble. "You should be with the group. They need you."

"Reckon so darlin', but seems you need me as well. And they need you. Whether Rick or Tyreese wants it or not, fuck them, they ain't on the counsel and we are."

She chuckled. She was still in my arms. There where so many things I wanted to tell her. So many things I wanted to ask. But it's hard to think sometimes, when the woman you love is in your arms.

"Tell me about her." I asked.

It was my most honest thought, I'd go with that. She took a moment, but she answered,

"She was kind, my Mom." Carol sniffed and wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands. "Your typical, cookie baking, elbow scratch bandaging, kind of Mom, who tucked you into bed with a story and a kiss. She died young, before I married. Breast cancer. Caught it too late…"

"They caught yours." I ventured.

"That they did." She whispered, runnin' her hands through her short l'il curls.

"I'm glad. You're gonna be alright girl. But we gotta get back home."

"You sure that's a good idea?"

"You got a better one?"

"Rick said they wouldn't want me back after what I've done.."

"That's bullshit. We need you. It ain't all about him anymore, remember? Come on now, we're losin' daylight."

Just so she wouldn't argue I took her hand and started leading her away. Just one problem about that. 'Bout a few dozen walkers now stood between us and wheels.

AN- Fact- reviews make me write faster.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Shit."

Carol's car, along with the supplies inside, was completely surrounded by walkers.

"Look, there's a gap there. We can double back and make it to the bike."

I hit a couple of uglies with some arrows along the way, Carol takes out some with her blade.

There's a few tight spots but we make it back to the bike, I kick it into gear and she wraps her arms around my waist and rests her cheek on the back of my shoulder as we ride off.

And in that moment, I'm happy. We don't get a lot of those. But when you go out in this world and find who you wanted to find, well a day can't get much better than that. I feel her warmth against my back and crack a smile.

Losin' the group of walkers forced us to take a couple a turn abounds and in that process the sun started to slip low. We hit a few more patches of dead, couple a blocked roads and a few more turn arounds and by that time the shadows are gettin' too long to travel. When the roads clear and the geeks are far behind us, I pull over for a pow-wow.

I turn to look at her and she looks worried. She won't look me in the eye, she's just glancing around nervously. That's not like her.

"Prison's 'bout an hour away I recon. We're losin' light, walker's gonna be harder to see. You wanna help me clear one of the houses, I think we should stay here the night."

"Here? Are you sure?" She paused. Rick and I already cleared a block of houses around here, why not one of those?"

"That was a ways back. I think it would be safer if we stayed here. Look around, it's quiet. These houses don't look that bad. Windows, doors in tact. Looks like this neighborhood cleared out early. Might have some good supplies inside."

She still looks unsure. I look around and try to pick out a good house, one that speaks to me.

"How about that white one, with the black shutters? Looks pretty intact, and it's on the end of the street if we need to get out quick."

"That one? Are you sure?"

Even in the low light I could see her face whiten. We'd been though this so many times before, I didn't get her fear.

"Looks like our best shot." I looked at her again. "You can stay out here if you want, it won't take me that long."

"No," she swallowed. "I'll go in with you."

I took another look at her.

"Ok. C'mon."

Step one of clearing a house is taking a walk around the perimeter lookin' for points of entry. This is a rare beauty, no broken windows, even the door is still locked. I grab a pin from my pocket and start working on the lock, another trick from ol' Merle.

Doesn't take long to pick the lock and we're in. Carol still looks pale and even a little nauseous.

"Sit down here." I say. I bet there's no one inside. I'll just be a minute."

"No," she insisted, her face colorin' a bit. "I'm coming with you."

Gotta admire her determination, even though I ain't sure what's got her spooked.

I take a step towards her and I look at her until she meets my eye.

I say to her, very low 'n quiet, "Stay close to me."

An' she does. I was right, the house was empty of unfriendlies, but had some bottled water and canned food, which I made damn sure Carol got right away.

"Did you eat today?"

It was an easier question to ask her once there was food in front of her and we were sittin' together at the kitchen table, side by side.

"I did."

She slowly drew spoonfuls from a can of sweet potatoes and we both seemed to relax a bit.

When she was finished with that and after she'd had a bottle of water I asked her the question I'd been sittin' on all day, the one that came in fourth to Where the fuck is Carol and Is she ok and Whose ass do I stomp if she's not.

"Why'd you do it? Why'd you kill Karen and David?"

She didn't seem surprised at my question, wasn't sure to take that as a good sign or a bad one.

"They were the only two sick. Everyone that caught it died in a matter of hours." She looked at me then bowed her head. "I spared them from a painful death and I was trying to protect the group."

Based on her honest but dejected appeal, I reckon that's the truth, the same she told Rick and the same that left to her left alone.

"They were going to die and infect more people, cost more lives."

I'd been processin' what she said an' I hadn't reacted yet. She took that as a bad sign. Her eyes reddened and her voice was more desperate.

My arm jerked itself up and put it across her shoulders. I can't stand it when she cries. I'm not used to it, it still feels strange to me, but I have noticed that if I touch her, she quits cryin' faster.

"Carol." I squeeze her shoulder and she turns her head to me. I say very quietly, "I ain't sure that was the right move. But I understand why you did it. And I'm not going to leave you. I won't let Rick kick you out. And I won't let Tyreese hurt you. I promise."

It happened so quick, her lips were on mine, warm and soft. How could I help but respond?

AN- Good kind and beautiful people leave reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

AN- Thanks so much for all the reviews, follows and favorites, I am feeling the love! Hope you enjoy, much more to come!

It was over quicker than I wanted. The loss of her heat on me, however brief, was painful.

She pulled away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." She spoke, eyes down cast, face flushed. She stood quickly and paused a moment. "Let's sweep the house. Look for things we could use."

Unsure what to do, it took me a minute to stand and follow her. She had gone upstairs and was picking through the medicine cabinet in the master bathroom.

"Lots of band aids, antibiotic cream, ace bandages, hydrogen peroxide, iodine, the works."

She listed them out in a strange voice, like she wasn't happy they were there. I approached her slowly, offering a bag to store the supplies in. She tossed them in and we went to the next room, master bedroom.

I start goin' through drawers, find some girly mags and some booze. Whoever lived here was a pig. Carol goes through the other nightstand slowly, spending a lot of time looking over things.

We've done this so many times, all through Lori's pregnancy it was goin' house to house, clearin' them, gettin' what we could get and then high tailin' it when the herd showed up. We'd found some interesting shit.

"Anything good in there?" I ask but she just makes a little noise.

I don't know why but my gut told me to get her talking. Since she went upstairs I could feel her withdrawing, and it didn't set right with me.

"Who do you think lived here?" It was a game we used to play sometime. Crass, I know but usually made for good conversation.

"Not sure." She said. "Who do you think lived here?"

"Hmm. Lemme think on that. Let's see…one family home, two bedrooms. Married couple with a kid or two. Dad seems like a wank."

"What kind of woman do you think lived here?"

He voice still sounded funny. Anything to keep her talkin'. I went to the closet and looked in. The wife's clothes were plain, covered up.

Something about this house kinda reminded me of my own growin' up. Maybe that's why it called to me. It's got those walls with patches in them. The corners where someone missed a few flecks of blood. The lingering stench of liquor, spilled and seeped into the hardwood. I flinch as I realize someone was beat in this house. Often and over years. Like I was.

"I think she was a survivor."

She didn't react, she just stood and went to the next room.

"I think that's all we're going to get out of there."

"You don't want to take any clothes? They look about your size."

"No."

We went into the kids room. We used to skip these sometimes for a few reasons. One, they're depressing as hell, but more importantly they usually don't have anything of much use to us. But we got kids at the prison now, maybe a toy or somethin' would be worth bringing back.

But Carol wasn't looking through the room, she was just looking at it. So I did too. It was painted a bright shade of purple. A couple of butterflies decorated the walls.

She looks so sad. Man, this is why we usually skip these rooms. I start diggin' through drawers, looking for anything.

"Don't bother. You won't find anything." She says too calmly. An' the pieces start fittin' together. And it hits me.

"This was Sophia's room. This was your house."

Waves of pain crash over me as my eyes are drawn to a teddy bear on the bed. It ain't fucking fair. She should still be here, she should still be in this room. Not bein' able to save that lil' girl was a crushing blow. I dealt with it, now well, but I dealt with it. I was harsh with Carol, I beat the piss out of Randall, but I dealt with it. Not Carol. She just tucked that pain away and has been walking on top of it ever since.

It's all I can do to turn and look at her. Her eyes are stone. My mind is goin' crazy, tryin' to process where I am right now, and how to get the woman I love to finally face her daughter's death. I want to scream. I want to shake her. But I know that would never reach to the core of her and that's all I want to do right now. But I don't know how to do it. My frustration gets the better of me.

"Bet there's sometin' here we could use. How about this?"

I take a photograph album from a book shelf and throw it at her feet. It's all I can do.

I run down to the basement and spend much more time than I need to sweepin' it. Finally I go back upstairs. Already I can hear her cryin', I take it as a good sign.

I walk into Sophia's old room. Her momma's curled up on her bed, clutchin' the photograph book I threw at her feet and lookin' at one particular photo.

An' I'm relieved, she's started to feel it. And ready as always to help her in whatever way I can.

I approach her slowly. Take the book from her and put it back on the shelf. I sit on the bed and wordlessly let her lean into me. I kiss her forehead

"I'm sorry." I look at the picture she's holdin'. It's the two of them, not so long ago.

"This is the last picture of her. The very last. My little angel,,,"

"You were a good Mom." I tell her. "Sophia, she was a good kid. If none of this nonsense went down, she would have grown up to be one clever beauty, just like her momma. It's not your fault." I say firmly.

"It doesn't matter why or how or when. My baby's gone."

"I know. And I know you miss her. But we got other babies back at the prison that need you. What you did, the other's will have to understand that was for the group." I shake my head. "Worst come to worst it'll just be us on our own. Might even be easier that way, just the two of us."

I don't know why I say it. It just comes out in a whisper.

"All I know is I ain't leavin' you alone."

We sit like that for a while. Then she say's "I'm tired. There's a pull out couch downstairs. Probably some blankets left in the closet, I'll go see. I'm not sleeping in _that_ bed." Can't say I blame her.

She goes downstairs and I take a moment to look through the album. I almost wish I hadn't. Seein' Sophia again through those photographs was killin' me.

Could only imagine the kind of pain it brought on her. I follow her downstairs. She's in full housewife mode, probably filling out an action she'd done many times before, fitt'n sheets on the guest bed.

Normally I wouldn't, but I just lay down on the bed she set. "Mmm…better than those prison beds.

She lies down on the other side. But I have a feeling for what's going to happen, for what always happens.

It starts off with us layin' apart. We always did this when we had to sleep outside on the road, we'd sleep close together for safety. Then one of us would kinda like, drift towards the other.

One night back when we were out there, we had a close call and lost a bag of blankets. Since then she's woken up every morning with either my poncho or vest on her. I can't stand the thought of her cold.

Sure enough by mornin' time, we're curled up together, her slender back along my stomach, my arms wrapped across her body, holdin' her tight.

You just can't fight nature sometimes. And suddenly it pulls at me. I haved loved this woman for almost a year, but I have never told her. I've cared for her, I protected her, saved her life a dozen times, all of that seems easy compared to telling her what she should know.

I feel her body against me, feel the rhymic cycles of her inhales and exhales. She's got to be asleep.

I practice whispering quietly, "I love you, Carol."

The words feel smooth and warm in my mouth. One day…

AN-I've written for a few other ships, and Caryl is the hardest so far. They are so awkward but awesome and I'm trying to keep them canon. I sincerely hope you enjoy my efforts. I live for reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

AN- Thank you all so much for the reviews, favorites and follows!

Hope you like this chapter!

I get up before she does and start getting ready to go. The sooner we get back to the prison and clear this shit up, the better. As always, the first thing I do is check the perimeter. We got lucky, it's crystal clear.

I wake her up and we have a can of noodle soup each for breakfast.

"Think we should sweep more houses?" She asks.

"Good idea, but we can't carry much. Probably be best if we came back with a van."

"Uhg." She shuddered. "I can't stand the thought of coming back here."

"You won't have too." I rumble.

I want to tell her that I understand because I've been there. I understand because I've lived that life of constant fear. I want to tell her that the thought of that fat ugly husband of her's, layin' his hands on her fires up my veins and puts worms in my guts. I want to tell her how I'd break his arm if he tried that shit today. I want to tell her that the thought of her alone with him for years deadens me an' I'm glad that som'bitch is gone. An' we been dancin' around it for a long time, but the day she is mine, I hope he knows about it, slurpieless in hell.

But all that's over now. She gets brighter and brighter the closer we get to leaving. I go back up stairs for one more thing. The photo album. I don't want her to forget.

We get on the bike and ride off and she's never going to have to see that place again. At least that must be what she's thinking, because she's squeezing me happily as we drive away.

I wanted to make a straight shot back home, but here's a pharmacy store we pass by and Carol's nudging me like crazy, so I pull over.

"What is it?"

"See that pharmacy over there? We could really use some more inhalers, we're running low. Mika's asthmatic."

I think about it. "We could probably use more antibiotics, too. I didn't stay long enough at the prison to see how under control that nasty flu situation is."

I eye the building, and the roads. Looks clear from here. Probably a few walkers inside, nothin' I can't handle. The upside to the herds is when they ain't around, usually ain't no one around.

I check the area again and notice a tiny yellow one man tent set up outside across the street. Somethin' about it sets me off, so I have to go check it out before we go in the building. It's empty. That doesn't seem to lower my guard.

We approach the building and I do my usually bang on the front glass to attract the dead inside. It works. A few minutes later there's a half dozen walkers on the ground.

We sweep the pharmacy, but it looks pretty picked clean. Carol finds about six inhalers, at least it's somethin'. We get to the back and start picking through the good stuff, knowin' by now by heart what names to look for. Lorabid, Amikin, an' Doribax to name a few.

I wasn't so sure that this was a good idea, but we picked enough pills to make it worth our while. Even found a couple of twinkies in the process.

We finish and start loading our gear and I see she's wandering off to the side of the building.

"Where you going?" I call out.

"Gotta pee. Come look for yourself, it's clear. I'll just be a second.

Begrudgingly I let her answer natures call.

I looked at the alley along the building with my own eyes. I knew that she'd be safe from walkers. Just one thing I forgot about. That little yellow tent outside.

I hear Carol cry out and I'm back in the alley in a flash. We're not alone.

An' there that scumbag is. The man who killed my brother. He's holdin' my woman against his body like a human shield, an' there's a twenty two shoved into her temple.

The Governor.

Carol is panting with fear. Without thinking I draw my crossbow and aim for his head.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Dixon. Don't you realize what this is? A good ol' fashioned Mexican stand off. But I know how it's gonna end. You see, my spy on the inside told me you are sweet on this lil' filly." He chuckled briefly but soon returned to seriousness. "So I know you ain't gonna be stupid."

Carol wriggled helplessly in his grasp. Every move she made was torture to me although I was proud of her for fighting.

"You're that sorry little brother of that red-neck Merle. Ya remember him? Ya found him? No? That's 'cause he's gone. Did it myself. And your lil' chickadee here is gonna be next if you don't do exactly what I say. Lower your weapon."

I don't, out of instinct and he calls me on it, screamin'.

"Ya hear what I said, boy? Lower your weapon or I will end her!"

I still pause. He's not going to do it.

"Oh I see. You need some encouragement then. Why don't I show you what I'm going to do to her once you're dead?" I see his hand start roving slowly to the middle of her legs. I can never remember being this angry, my whole body is on fire with a rage so loud my ears ring. But my arm is steady.

I take a few steps forward and he cocks his gun. "You willin' to bet on that, Mr. Dixon? Your woman's life versus your marksmanship skills?

My arrow flies and those are the last words that sick bastard ever says.

"Told ya I was gonna take your other eye."

We run to each other and this time it was me. At first, we crashed into each other and embraced somethin' fierce. She pulled away and we met eyes. Her's so blue, so dazzling. I bend my head and my lips capture hers in a heated fury. I'm not sure what to do, so I just do what feels right, and based on the lil' moans she's makin' I'm doin' ok. All the months that I'd wanted to do this and more, pent up inside me, add to this.

And suddenly that was it. I wouldn't take another moment, couldn't take another walker, couldn't take another closer call. She had to know right now.

She was in my arms. The sweet smell of her was all round me and I was drowning.

"Carol…I love you."

There's more I want to say, but that's all I can get out. All I can do is look in her eyes. They are dilated.

She hesitates, lookin' a bit bewildered, not unlike a deer caught in the headlights.

It takes a few heart stopping moments, but she finally says "I love you too Daryl."

She says it like it was somethin' she always thought she couldn't say. There are tears in her eyes, I kiss them away and stroke her hair.

We all change in this life. Sometimes for the better sometimes for the worse. Sometimes for both.

AN- Hope you liked it! Two more chapters planned, possibly more. Oh, and this will probably get a little smutty at some point.


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